Lost
by Albertasteinthe21st.genius
Summary: Nami gets lost (or rather, is temporarily infected by Zoro's non-sense of direction). With three of her crew mates, the captain of another quirky crew and some clueless marines for company, she goes on a short 'adventure'. Rated T for safety. My first ever story.
1. Chapter 1

Nami was lost. But the thing was Nami didn't _know_ she was lost. She'd just arrived on the island, asked when the log pose would set (4 hours) and gone off to explore. Being the expert navigator that she was, she had no expectation of becoming lost. There was no precedence for such a thing.

 **oOo**

Zoro was lost too. This was nothing new. Roronoa Zoro didn't know he was lost, which was also nothing new.

 **oOo**

When Nami saw Zoro wandering aimlessly through the city, she immediately set about berating him. If nothing else, she at least knew that they were both a long way from the ship. Believing that she knew exactly where she was going, Nami led a grumbling Zoro deeper into the city, unaware (must I remind you?) that she was lost.

 **oOo**

They were spotted by two marines, who also happened to be lost. One of these marines, who we shall call Bob, readily admitted that they were lost. The other marine, who we shall call Barry, was in denial, adamant that according to their "map" they were in the shopping district. Bob did not see anything remotely resembling a shop. Barry claimed that there was one just around the corner. But seeing as this was the 32nd time Barry had made such a claim (Bob had been counting), Bob paid his colleague no heed.

While Bob did not see any shops, he did see a red head vanishing into an alley. Barry, pausing from his "map-reading", saw a green head go into the same alley. Bob and Barry looked at each other.

Bob thought that it would be good idea to ask for directions. Barry thought that it would be a good idea to arrest them, and then ask for directions. Bob and Barry began to argue as they followed the brightly coloured heads further into the city.

 **oOoOoOo**

Chopper was happy in a bookshop, checking out the latest medical books. With him was Robin, who was contentedly browsing the history section. While she liked books in general, she liked archaeological books and books about old legends best.

 **oOo**

They were also spotted by two marines, who weren't particularly bright. They were also a little young. No one was quite sure why or how they had joined the marines (though it may have had something to do with their father being an Ensign). They both boasted the esteemed rank of Chore Boy. They, unsurprisingly, were lost. They were supposed to be patrolling with two older marines, but they'd got left behind when they'd stopped for a break without telling their minders. They had already tried asking for directions, but it hadn't gone well. In fact, it had gone a little something like this:

( _5 minutes ago_ )

" _Hey mister! We're Chore Boys! That means that we're marines and you have to do what we say. Tell us where we are!"_

 _ **Bonk!**_

 _ **Bonk!**_

They still had the bumps on their heads. The green-haired guy had been really mean. The green-haired guy had also carried three swords, just like Roronoa Zoro. The Pirate Hunter was so cool. The green-haired guy was so not cool. At least, according to our intrepid Chore Boys.

One of the Chore Boys saw a nice-looking lady coming out of a nearby bookshop. We shall call this boy Billy. The other Chore Boy saw the lady's pet raccoon. This boy shall be known to us as BJ.

Billy saw a second chance to ask for directions. BJ saw a cute animal. Billy walked towards the lady. BJ turned out his pockets, looking for dog treats.

 **oOo**

Robin saw a pair of ten year olds dressed up in marine uniforms. She thought it looked ever so slightly . . . cute. However, zombie-dogs were cuter. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed two people closely resembling her crew mates walk past and turn into an alley (this city is full of them). She decided to tag along, having finished with her shopping.

"Come on, Chopper." She said as she began to walk.

Chopper followed her in his reindeer form the bag full of books on his back.

 **oOo**

Gawking at the sudden change in appearance, Billy and BJ followed them both.

 **oOoOoOo**

Nami was angry. Zoro was irritated because Nami was taking her anger out on him. Neither had noticed that they were being followed. Zoro would usually have picked up something so obvious, but Nami's fists meeting his skull were very distracting.

 **oOo**

Robin was amused by the two oh-so-subtle stalkers Nami and Zoro had. She was also amused by her own, shy little followers. Robin could afford to be amused, because she knew that she could take out the four marines in a heartbeat.

Chopper wished that Nami and Zoro would slow down. It was hard enough keeping them in sight, let alone catch up when he was carrying all the heavy books. They didn't seem to hear him when he called. He could smell the marines, but he could tell that they were weak, so he wasn't worried. If only Nami and Zoro would _slow down_.

 **oOo**

Billy and BJ crept along behind the lady and her reindeer, desperately hoping that she was going towards the marine base for whatever reason. They couldn't work up the courage to ask if she knew the way so they could get there themselves.

Bob and Barry had somehow got it into their heads that they knew who the red-haired girl was. They were following her as they "quietly" argued about whether or not they should arrest her. Everyone was ignoring them, which was why they believed that no one was noticing them.

 **oOo**

Finally, and abruptly, Nami stopped. Zoro slammed into her back, sending her stumbling forwards. She turned on him with a glare fit to melt swords, and screamed, "You idiot! You got us lost!"

Zoro didn't see how this could be his fault. He had been following Nami, not the other way round-

"You're lost?! But-" Bob and Barry yelled as they stumbled to a halt. Then they resolved their argument, declaring, "You're under arrest for misleading marine officers!"

 **oOo**

Nami turned her glare on them instead of Zoro. Zoro stared, wondering if these two idiots would put up a good fight. Then again, they seemed pretty weak.

Chopper's eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped. Nami, lost? That was impossible!

Robin chuckled quietly to herself at the looks on everyone's faces. She beckoned her two followers into the light, so as to keep a better eye on them.

Billy and BJ trustingly came to stand by the lady, wondering what the heck was going on.

 **oOo**

It's safe to say that Nami was not happy. In fact, she was furious. How could something like this happen to her? What next, a broken Clima-Tact?! She blamed Zoro. Somewhere along the line, she must have caught some of his idiocy. Maybe his ability to get lost was contagious! She cringed at the thought.

Zoro wasn't happy either. The witch was taking her frustrations out on him, and he was more than a little sick of being used as a punching bag. He was tired too. Maybe he should take a nap. A nap . . . That was a great idea! If he sat down against this wall here, and went to sleep, she'd forget about him, right? He'd be quiet and still, so therefore less of a target. Yeah, he'd take a nap.

Nami couldn't believe it! The nerve of that guy! The damn swordsman had gone to sleep!

 **oOoOo**

They had no idea they were being watched. How could such numbskulls have evaded capture for so long? They had even admitted to being lost, when the port was only a couple of blocks away. Either this Smoker guy wasn't as good as people thought he was, or Straw Hat had one lucky or strong crew. Maybe both?

 **oOoOo**

Billy and BJ were happy. They'd found Bob and Barry. Billy was secretly gloating that his idea of following the lady had paid off. BJ, on the other hand, still hadn't found his dog treats. Maybe they were in his other uniform?

However, while it was great finding their fellow marines, they weren't quite so pleased to see a certain green-haired swordsman. They began to grumble to themselves, rubbing their heads subconsciously, ignoring a certain ranting red-head and Bob's repeated attempts to get their attention.

 **oOo**

Barry had figured out where he knew the redhead from. It was that Cat-Burglar woman of the Straw Hat pirates. While Bob tried to signal the two Chore Brats, Barry tried to un-cuff the Sea Stone handcuffs from his ankles (how he managed to do that in the first place, we'll never know).

 **oOoOo**

Actually, he could see how the Straw Hats had got away with it for so long if all marines were this incompetent.

 **oOoOo**

As Nami ranted and the marines fumbled about, Robin felt eyes on the back of her head. She glanced at the ridiculous scene before her, ascertaining that all was well, before slowly and carefully lifting her head.

A dark figure lazed on the roof of a nearby building. Noticing Robin's stare, the figure made a peace sign, two fingers forming a V. She could have sworn that the figure smiled at her. For now, whoever it was didn't seem to be a threat. She turned back to watching her crewmates, just in time to see the older marines cuff themselves together. The two small boys began to bounce, trying to get her attention. She looked down.

 **oOo**

BJ wanted permission to pet the raccoon. Billy wanted the 'nice' lady to help un-cuff Bob and Barry.

 **oOo**

The two boys jabbered at Robin incoherently. Something about feeding handcuffs to Sea Stone raccoons, or some other nonsense. She decided that it wasn't important. She tuned out their voices, paying more attention to the navigator as Nami finally calmed down. Robin felt their watcher's interest sharpen.

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 **Please Review  
**

 _ **Thanks to xMousex for their review. Doc Manager was playing up, sorry for the repeat. Should be fixed now.  
**_


	2. Chapter 2

He had no place to go, and all the time in the world to get there. Sort of. That was why he was still sitting here, watching them. The navigator (Nami, if he remembered her name correctly) was arguing fiercely with herself, reminding him that learning to lip-read was still somewhere on his to-do list.

In the meantime, he amused himself with the swordsman's (three swords? Really?) newfound discomfort as Nami the navigator resolved her inner conflict, apparently seeing fit to rain a barrage of lightning upon his moss-coloured head.

 **oOo**

" _Purupurupuru. Purupurupuru_ "

With a sigh, he lifted the baby snail to his face. "What is it? And make it quiet."

"Captain!" the voice whispered loudly, "The Straw Hat Pirates are in port!"

"I am well of that already" He shot an amused glance down at the unfortunate swordsman as he replied. The Straw Hat navigator was really quite feisty when she wanted to be.

"How on the Grand Line could you possibly know? You left before they docked!" his cook said in a cross tone. What had he done now?

"I know because I am presently perusing their nymphatic navigator as she . . ." he peered down, confirming that she was still at it before continuing "electrocuting their swordsman."

"Roronoa Zoro?" his cook said questioningly.

"Is that his name?"

His cook sighed, the snail phone's face looking very put out.

"Yes, that's the name of their swordsman."he smiled at his cook's tone.

"So . . ." he said, "did you want something?"

The snail phone's face looked stricken for a moment.

"Oh, that's right! Don't get into any trouble, and make sure you remember to bring back those groceries I told you to get."

"Whatever you say, milady."

"Don't be a- you know what, nevermind. At least you're not like the damn navigator."

"He has a name."

"Shut up."

He chuckled quietly as the snail clicked, his cook hanging up on him. He smiled, eyes once more straying down to watch the show, although it seemed to be almost over. That navigator of theirs was quite fiery, wasn't she? Not knowing her personally, he really couldn't judge. But it was increasingly clear that she most certainly did not like being lost, as lost she must undoubtedly be in order to work herself into such a state. To think that such a legendary navigator could ever get into such a position.

 **oOo**

Maybe he should reveal himself. Although, the dark-haired woman already seemed aware of him watching them. He sighed, as he have preferred for his appearance to be a complete surprise. He liked to see the look on people's faces. But, alas, some people were just too sharp. Sharp, like swords. It made him wonder how the great 'Pirate Hunter' would react, though he suspected his answer would come in the form of a blade swinging at his face.

He sighed again. Some people just had no manners. Then again, he might just be underestimating Zoro's patience. There was no way to find out other than to go down and say hello.

 **oOoOo**

Chopper was panicking. Zoro wasn't moving, and the smell of scorched hair was thick in the air. What was Nami thinking, electrocuting Zoro like that?!

"Doctor, doctor, someone get a doctor!"

 _ **Bonk!**_

"You are a doctor."

"Ow . . . Nami's so mean . . . Oh, wait, I'm a doctor!"

Chopper checked Zoro's pulse. Yes, Zoro still had a pulse. Then he looked for injuries, but apart from his singed hair the swordsman seemed strangely untouched. Chopper sighed in relief as Zoro coughed.

"Witch . . ."

Nami waved her Clima-Tact threateningly. Zoro would have made himself look as meek as possible, except that he suddenly remembered the presence of the marines. His eyes wandered to look at them boredly.

 **oOo**

To their credit, Bob and Barry had managed to un-cuff themselves, no thanks to two certain Chore Boys.

And, speaking of Chore Boys, Billy and BJ were in shock, for several reasons. After all, the 'raccoon' (Chopper had changed form) had spoken. And claimed to be a doctor. The red-haired girl could make lightning with a stick, and had electrocuted the mean swordsman and hit the raccoon on the head. They blinked simultaneously, minds seizing on this information. Poor raccoon . . .

 **oOo**

Robin found it all quite amusing, her ever-present smile becoming a little bigger. Then she realised that she couldn't sense their watcher anymore. A quick glance told her that a certain roof was no longer occupied.

 **oOo**

"Cat Burglar Nami of the Straw Hat Pirates! You are under arrest!" Of course, Bob and Barry chose that moment for their comedy act. Barry waved his handcuffs triumphantly as everyone else apart from Barry stared at him in disbelief.

"Under arrest? I think not, my noble numbskulls. Milady Nami and I have some things to attend to" an amused voice spoke out.

 **oOo**

Robin blinked. So that's where he'd got to. The reactions of everyone else weren't nearly so composed.

Billy fainted, causing BJ to panic. Bob and Barry were so surprised that they handcuffed themselves together (again). Chopper latched onto Zoro's head as Zoro was pulled in front of a startled Nami. Zoro clenched a hand on the hilt of Shusui, feet settling into a defensive stance.

 **oOo**

A young man walked confidently out of the shadows, hands up in an attempt to seem less threatening. It wasn't really working, not with the wide smirk dominating his features.

He had a wide-brimmed brown hat tilted forward, shadowing his face, a grey ribbon running around it. He had a black suit, but Nami couldn't help but notice that there was no tie. His shirt was a brilliant shade of purple. His shoes were plain brown leather, practical in almost any situation. A gun was holstered on his left hip, covered in swirling gold engravings. On his right, a sword hung in a grey scabbard, hilt wrapped in purple cloth.

Despite the smile, the way he stood and watched them all gave the young man an aura of danger.

Bob and Barry became engrossed in the task of undoing the handcuffs, wishing that they were anywhere else but here.

 **oOo**

Robin compared the newcomer's appearance to that of the marines. She decided that if push came to shove, she'd rather deal with the men in white uniforms than this dark-clad man. She stilled as the aforementioned man swept his gleaming gaze over her, his smile seeming a little more genuine for a fleeting moment.

"Nico Robin. A pleasure to meet you, milady."

He bowed to her, then straightened with a flourish, grinning at the look on BJ's face as he realised that the 'nice lady' was the infamous Demon Child.

"Milady, tell me, what might a beauty like you be doing near these poor excuses for Ensigns?"

 **oOo**

Bob and Barry bristled at the insult even as they turned white with fear, frantically trying to un-cuff themselves for the second time that day.

Billy was still out cold. After a few more seconds of hyperventilating, BJ joined him. Robin kindly caught him, lowering him gently to the ground.

 **oOo**

"May I ask-" Robin began.

"Who are you?"

Zoro cut Robin off. Even if he so far seemed similar to Sanji, this guy looked like he could put up some sort of fight. Zoro looked forward to it, in fact. But there was also the little issue of . . .

" . . .And what do you want with Nami?" the swordsman grudgingly asked.

The guy didn't look the slightest bit worried by Zoro's threatening demeanour. He stayed silent for a long moment, eyes locked with Zoro's as each assessed the other. Then his smirk shrank into a small, genuine, smile.

 **oOoOo**

It would seem that he had given Roronoa Zoro less credit than he was due. The swordsman actually showed marvellous restraint. He supposed it was probably time to introduce himself.

"I am Eldritch Greer." He said simply, touching a hand to his hat. The swordsman raised an eyebrow, waiting for the rest of it. Greer chuckled, paying slightly more attention to the struggling marines than he was to Zoro.

"And, as for what I want with your redhead, I have simply made note of the fact that she is apparently lost and would presumably prefer to change that particular state of affairs."

 **oOoOo**

Zoro, for the briefest of moments, with that Sanji was there, if only so that Zoro could see the look on the love-cook's face when Greer said "your redhead". He relaxed, taking his hand off his sword. The marines were weaklings and this guy was currently no threat, so Zoro didn't really have anything to worry about.

 **oOo**

Nami did not appreciate being reminded of her lack of known location. She relieved her newly revived stress by slapping Zoro on the back of the head, which the swordsman didn't appreciate if his glare was anything to go by.

Then putting on her most innocent smile, she asked, "Do you know where we are mister Eldritch?"

"Call me Greer."

He said it with a look that told Nami quite clearly that he could see right through her. She pouted. And here she'd been thinking he'd be like Sanji.

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	3. Chapter 3

Greer found the look on the navigator's face amusing. He was well aware of the Straw Hat cook's tendency to faun over her. Greer liked to think that his mind worked differently, despite the words that sometimes sprouted from his mouth. After all, unlike the Straw Hat cook, Greer didn't chase every skirt he saw. But this train of thought digressed from the situation at hand.

"Of course, milady. I know exactly where we are."

Then he turned his gaze on the two struggling marines.

"However, I feel that firstly there are certain people that ought to be . . . dealt with."

 **oOo**

Bob and Barry froze, eyes slowly rising from their handcuffs to rest a fearful gaze on Eldritch Greer. They knew who he was. They knew what he was capable of. They had no desire to be humiliated (again). The last time they'd encountered this captain, he'd left them speaking gibberish for a month straight and replaced their hair with grass.

 **oOo**

Zoro found it interesting how the marines reacted to 'Greer'. One moment, they were rattling their cuffs and muttering about "no glory in gibberish". The next moment, they were frozen in terror with their mouths hanging open. Zoro saw this only because Chopper had let go of his head in favour of checking up on the kids at Robin's feet.

Chopper, being an animal, could smell the fear as he examined our poor Chore Boys. They may have been in marine uniforms, but he was still a doctor and as such he felt compelled to check that they were okay. He found nothing wrong with them, other than the fact they were unconscious. Task done, Chopper turned to watch the young man intimidate the older marines.

Robin was once again amused, Nami not so much. The women watched the marines tremble, eyebrows raised.

 **oOo**

Greer smiled wider, pleased with the effect he was having. He had learnt at an early age that fear was a very effective deterrent to pursuit by undesirable parties.

He took a step towards Bob and Barry. He took another step, noting the knock-kneed way they shook before him. They clearly remembered him from their last encounter.

Greer placed a hand on the hilt of his sword. He opened his mouth.

"Boo."

 **oOo**

Poor Bob and Barry. How terrified they were. If anyone ever asked, they would vehemently deny it, but at that moment they both screamed like little girls.

 **oOo**

Greer tilted his hat back, revealing his golden eyes as he watched the two with a predatory gaze.

Straw Hat Luffy was known to tilt his hat forward when he meant business. With Eldritch Greer, it was the opposite. And no sane coward/marine wanted to be in the vicinity when Eldritch Greer meant business.

 **oOo**

Again, they would always deny it, but Bob Barry screamed again. And when the captain leant towards them ever so slightly . . .

Bob and Barry ran for their dignity. And their lives, although that's not what they were thinking at the time. The best part? They were still cuffed together.

 **oOo**

As the sound of their shrieking faded out into the distance, Greer let go of his sword, tilting his hat forward so it was once again shading his eyes. He burst into laughter, clutching his stomach as he wheezed.

"That was _too_ easy . . ."

Voice getting higher in pitch due to lack of oxygen, he said "The _looks_ on their _faces_ . . ."

He was starting to get strange looks from the Straw Hats. He waved a hand, straightening up.

"Don't mind me." He said, before adding under his breath "Jones would have loved to see that."

 **oOo**

Zoro frowned, hearing the second part. Who was Jones?

All in all, Robin was finding this to be a very amusing day. She wondered who Jones was.

 **oOo**

"Now, where were we?"

Greer completely disregarded the comatose Chore Boys, preferring to focus on more interesting matters. Greer had things to do, and he wanted to do them now.

 **oOo**

"You said you knew where we were."

Nami was happy to remind him, because as we already know, she did not like being lost.

"Ah, yes. That is indeed correct, milady. But first, I must ask you, would either of you two lovely ladies mind accompanying me on a shopping trip?"

Nami perked at the mention of shopping (though the offer seemed a little out of the blue). Maybe, just maybe, this day wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Shopping? What kind of shopping?"

 **oOo**

"Well, you see, my cook has given me a list of items to procure-", Greer pulled out a tattered piece of scribbled-on paper, "-and my cook, as well as several other members of my crew, is female, and so therefore I have no idea what some of these items might be, or where I might find them."

Greer looked first at Robin, then Nami.

"If you would kindly help with the acquirement of these objects with minimal embarrassment, I would be happy to guide you to the docks."

 **oOo**

Seeing some of the items on the list, Nami decided that the offer wasn't quite as strange as she thought (she'd do the same in his position, or find someone else to do it). She thought about it for a moment. If she helped Greer, she could go shopping using someone else's money, and eventually get back to the ship before nightfall. On the other hand, she didn't know this person (not that it had stopped her before) and the whole thing could be an extremely elaborate marine ruse to capture her and her friends . . . Nami decided that she was being paranoid. She wanted to go shopping.

Nami then decided that Zoro was going to come too, to carry everything, because that's what Zoro was for. He was a bodyguard and human trolley, one that owed her lots of money. Mmm . . . Money.

 **oOo**

"We'll do it!"

Nami accompanied this declaration with a fist pump to the sky. Greer foresaw empty pockets in his future. And therefore he also foresaw a lecture from his formidable cook. He decided not to think too hard about that. It would just make him feel depressed.

"In that case, milady Nami, the shopping district is in this direction."

Greer began to walk in the direction he had indicated. Behind him, Nami dragged a reluctant swordsman, Chopper beside her.

Robin, after a few moments' hesitation, conjured arms from the cobbled ground to carry the Chore Boys. She would leave them in a more populated area, where it would be easier for them to get help when they woke up.

Robin and her two charges followed everyone else down the street.

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 **Please Review**


	4. Chapter 4

**=)**

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Greer was leading them all towards the shopping district (they were halfway there by his calculation) when he abruptly realised something. He stopped suddenly and quickly turned around. Nami ran into his chest, causing him to look down at her from under his hat. She frowned at him.

"What's wrong?" she asked. Greer raised an eyebrow, not that anyone could tell.

"Where's your swordsman?"

 **oOo**

Zoro stopped abruptly in the middle of the alleyway. Blinking in confusion, he turned around and around several times, noting the distinct lack of redheaded witches and random guides in suits. Zoro snorted, scowling since the others had all clearly gotten themselves lost on him. So much for Greer knowing where he was going. With a growl of irritation, Zoro stalked back in the direction he thought he came from, intent on finding his crew mates.

 **oOo**

Nami looked about ready to tear her hair out when she realised that Zoro had wandered off.

"That idiot!" she yelled, pacing back and forth, "How hard is it to stay in the group!"

"This _is_ Zoro we are talking about." Robin said with a chuckle, leaning her two charges against a wall for a moment. Nami opened her mouth, looking like she was about to scream.

"I wonder if there's a cure for idiocy . . ." Chopper mumbled under his breath, unnoticed.

While the Straw Hats commiserated over their swordsman's stupidity (Nami had a point: how hard was it just to stay in a group and follow everyone else?), Greer thought back to possible places that Rroronoa could have wandered off at. He didn't need Roronoa to help complete the shopping list, but he could see that the Straw Hats wouldn't continue without the swordsman now that he had pointed out that the man was missing. Greer sighed pinching the bridge of his nose as Nami ranted.

 **oOo**

Zoro blinked at the wall in front of him. This was strange. Zoro knew for a fact that he hadn't passed through a wall on his way, so why was it blocking the street now?

With a swing of his sword, Zoro cut the wall in half and continued on his way, ignoring the way people stared and gasped as he entered the shopping district.

 **oOo**

"Does he do this often, milady?" Greer asked as Nami moved from one side to the other. It was exhausting just _watching_ her.

"Yes!" she answered back with a snap. Greer put his hands up in defence, secretly amused by the whole affair. Robin was giving him a knowing look, so he touched his hat to her in acknowledgement of her apparent mind-reading skills.

The black-haired woman smiled at him, saying "Yes, he often does this. However, I believe we will find him already at our destination if we continue on."

"Yeah!" Chopper piped up, "He gets lost, but then he gets there first. It's not logical!"

Blinking at the reindeer's frustration, Greer turned to Nami.

"Milady, if what your friends say is true . . . perhaps the faster we get to the shopping district, the faster we'll find him, and the sooner you can _personally_ tell him what you think to his face."

Nami stopped her pacing. She whirled around and pointed at Greer with an evil grin.

"Lead the way!"

Greer felt sorry for the swordsman. Now, where could he get some popcorn?

 **oOoOoOo**

Nami was enjoying herself immensely, having already relieved her stress in a spectacular light show that centred on a certain swordsman. Somehow, no one apart from her companions had noticed.

Zoro, on the other hand, was utterly bored.

He wasn't all that interested by what girls wear, and even less interested in female hygiene products. Not to mention that he had the worst ever headache and limbs that constantly twitched involuntarily (Nami's revenge/lesson because he wandered off).

 **oOo**

Greer wasn't that interested in girl stuff either, but hey, anything to get his cook off of his back. He had just narrowly forestalled a dent in his fortunes by telling Nami that she was too pretty for make-up. Sometimes, flattery really could get you somewhere.

 **oOo**

Chopper may have been young and relatively innocent, but he was a doctor, trained by Doctor Rin no less, so he'd already seen it all. He was thoroughly bored. He amused himself by constantly checking the vital signs of the two Chore Boys Robin was still lugging around for some reason. When he asked her about them, she just smiled her mysterious smile.

 **oOo**

Greer noticed Robin discreetly adding something to the pile of purchases; however, he didn't really mind seeing as the woman was proving herself adept at bargain-hunting.

Luckily, they were close to finishing that part of his cook's list. Wait a minute . . . they'd finished ages ago!

 **oOo**

Nami was making Zoro carry _all_ of it. Greer pitied the man (not. Who was he kidding? Greer was glad that he didn't have to carry any of it)

 **oOo**

Nami had decided that Greer was her new best friend for life, because he had paid for _everything_ without complaining or making faces. She appreciated guys like him.

Chopper was still carrying the books from the bookstore, and they were starting to get heavy. He couldn't wait to get back to the ship.

Zoro was grumbling about carrying everything, which was no surprise. Nami was holding onto his arm, both to stop him wandering off again and to guide him since he couldn'e see past all the bags he was carrying. If he had been able to see her, Zoro would have noticed the Cheshire grin on Nami's face.

 **oOo**

Greer was wondering where he could acquire a six-by-four plank of Adam wood (it was second to last on the list). And what exactly would his cook possibly use ten litres of cola for? When he voiced these thought out loud . . .

"Oh, our shipwright can help you with that."

Nami was in a charitable mood, which is why she didn't immediately suggest that Greer pay for the privilege of meeting the eccentric cyborg.

One of the Chore Boys twitched, though no one noticed.

 **oOoOoOo**

They arrived at the Thousand Sunny, much to Nami's delight. She wasn't lost anymore, and she was in possession of the most wonderful new- she pulled a random item out of one of many bags- . . . whatever it was.

She frowned at the item in question. She didn't remember getting it despite its . . . unique . . . It was downright ugly. There was no other way of saying it.

Greer's list had mostly been of mundane female products. These products had been "acquired" as Greer put it, and there was only some wood and cola left on the list, which were easy to get if they asked the Sunny's resident shipwright. So . . . what was this?

She waved her mystery object in Greer's face.

Greer blinked. Was that a . . . No, it couldn't be. Could it? He took it gingerly from the Straw Hat navigator, inspecting it from all angles. Under the shadow of his hat, his face darkened. He hadn't seen one of these since before Marineford. He clenched a fist at the memory, carelessly dropping the object overboard, much to Nami's surprise. He surreptitiously took stock of his surroundings, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. Not that that meant anything.

"Milady, I would suggest you watch your back. That thing was a marine spy camera."

He ignored Nami's reaction, his mind grinding furiously.

Those two jokes from before, B and B, could they have something to do with this? No. He'd dealt with them before, and he knew that they wouldn't have reached their ship yet, nor would they have the guts to pull this off.

 **oOo**

"Yo, you looking for me?"

Chopper had fetched Franky. Greer snapped out of his reverie, eyes alighting on a large pantless man in a loud shirt. Greer winced, but made no comment. He decided to finish his list, and quickly, before somebody started a fight (somebody being the marines).

"You're the shipwright?"

"Yeah. I built this ship from scratch, you know that? Chopper said you were looking for cola. Well, I got loads of the stuff! How much you need, brother?"

Franky blinked as the young man bit his lip (Greer had noticed that something was _very_ wrong with the shipwright's arms).

"You okay, brother?"

Greer was about to answer, but as he did, he noticed the wide eyes of one of the Chore Boys. He froze.

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 **Please Review**


	5. Chapter 5

Billy stared at the statue. For some reason, it looked a lot like that 'Gold-Eye' Greer the older marines were always talking about. The statue's golden eyes seemed to bore into his, as if it was alive. Billy found it extremely unnerving. Then it spoke.

"Uh, milady? It would seem one of your little friends has re-joined us."

It was Billy's turn to do an impression of carved marble.

Greer shook himself slightly. What was wrong with him? It was just a kid! But it was a marine kid, the back part of his brain reminded him, sending an image of- No, he didn't want to think about that right now.

Beside Billy, BJ also opened his eyes.

Great. Now there were two of them. What to do, what to do? He needed them distracted, not staring at him like he was some kind of monster. Out of the corner of his eye, he vaguely saw Nami yelling at some long-nosed individual. Long-nose . . . stick . . . coat hanger . . . Wait, what?

Greer had a great idea. He picked up two coat hangers that Nami had left lying around on-deck. He looked at the Chore Boys, who were frozen with eyes the size of saucers. Occasionally, they would sneak a glance at the various members of the Straw Hat crew. For now, they were quiet. But they wouldn't be forever. He really didn't want them to go shrieking off into the distance yelling his name (which had happened a lot on the last island. Man, the marines were wimps). He needed a distraction, obviously.

Kids liked sweets, right?

 **oOoOoOo**

Interesting. Robin's eyes went from the deer-in-headlights to Greer's hands as a light purple mist surrounded the coat hangers. A moment later, the mist vanished and Greer was no longer holding coat hangers.

Greer was pleased with himself. Usually, something went wrong when he tried swapping food for inedible items. This time, however, it had gone perfectly. He was now holding two extra-large toffee apples.

 _(On the other side of the island, a toffee apple seller stared as his hands were covered in a purple mist. Then, his eyes grew as wide as saucers as he realised that the toffee apples he'd been holding had turned into coat hangers.)_

 **oOo**

Billy drooled, and BJ gawked, stars in their eyes as they regarded Greer. They were both hungry, and those toffee apples looked _yummy_. BJ, in addition, wanted to learn that trick. Being able to turn coat hangers into sweets would be _**awesome**_ **!**

Robin chuckled quietly. The boys' heads spun around to stare at her. It was a wonder they didn't get whiplash.

Billy blinked at the nice lady, before smiling shyly. BJ's face drained of colour, having been conscious when Greer gave his little greeting. Billy looked confusedly at his fellow Chore Boy, not understanding why he looked so frightened.

BJ hissed at him.

"That's Nico Robin! That's the Demon Child!"

Billy was startled.

"Since when?!"

"Since the Rookie said!"

"But he's a pirate!"

This gave BJ pause.

It's been said before, but neither Billy nor BJ were the sharpest tools in the box. They had yet to recognise any of the Straw Hat crew, only "recognising" Robin because of Greer. And Greer was a pirate. You couldn't trust pirates (and yet both Billy and BJ were happy to eat the apples magically produced by Greer).

"You're right!" BJ exclaimed. He turned back to Robin and gave her a big smile.

"Hi!"

Robin was amused by our two small simpletons. Greer was lost by their logic.

 **oOo**

Having sorted out that little "misunderstanding", Billy and BJ swivelled their heads to look at Greer. Or, more specifically, they were staring at the toffee apples. Oh, they tried to keep their eyes on his face, they really did! But those toffee apples were calling to them . . .

 **oOoOoOo**

Billy and BJ munched and crunched, pacified and not one bit worried that they were on the Straw Hat ship (not that they recognised it anyway) and sitting scant feet away from the infamous Eldritch Greer. They were mostly ignored by everyone else, except for Robin, who kept half an eye on them just in case they had a 'moment of genius' as Luffy did on occasion.

 **oOo**

Greer kept his eyes on his surroundings. After sending Long-Nose to the crow's-nest, Nami had demanded an explanation (she'd also whacked him on the head- And damn, did it hurt!). He could still feel the throbbing in his skull.

 _10 minutes ago . . ._

 _ **Bonk!**_

" _Ow!"_

" _What do you mean, it belonged to the marines?!"_

 _Greer stared blankly at her, taking a few seconds to realise she was talking about the thing he'd thrown in the sea._

" _Ah, yes. Well, you see . . ."_

 _Greer gave the Straw Hat navigator a condensed, heavily censured version of his . . . interesting childhood._

 _The ugly thing had been an advanced surveillance device created by Vegapunk for use in the New World. Ironically, on a planet full of liquid, these devices could be wrecked by a few drops of water. But while notoriously unreliable, when they worked, they worked well. Greer told Nami that, from when she'd discovered it to when he'd thrown it overboard; it had most likely sent over three hundred individual high quality pictures to the marines._

 _Nami went pale. Then, she was_ _furious_ _. Greer was glad that he wasn't the target of such anger. This girl was almost as scary as his cook. He shuddered at the thought. He watched her bark out orders with a sense of déjà vu._

 **oOo**

The present . . .

There! With a minute turn of his head, Zoro locked his eyes on a very obvious white marine cap. In his peripheral vision, he saw Greer do the same.

He still wasn't too sure about Greer, seeing as they'd met mere hours ago. Although, as a pirate, Greer presumably wanted to avoid capture just as much as Zoro did. So, for now, he wouldn't make a move against the man. But once the marines were dealt with, Greer was going. The last thing Zoro needed was for Luffy to return and ask the guy to join his crew.

 **oOo**

Nami sighed. She could see three white marine caps on the docks, not counting idiot number four that was being watched by Zoro. She sighed again. She had just about used up her daily store of patience on her earlier escapade (Lost! Her! It was unbelievable!), and she was now itching for something to do. She was more than a little tired of waiting.

 **oOo**

Chopper and Franky were following Nami's instructions. The results of these instructions _might_ prove to be interesting.

 **oOo**

Robin had successfully manoeuvred the Chore Boys belowdecks, having found cotton candy in the kitchen. She had no idea what Sanji had been planning to use it for, though she found it was wonderful for bribing children. Truth be told, Robin wasn't entirely sure why she'd brought them on the ship. She'd somehow 'forgotten' she had them until they woke up. But they were here now. She felt that they ought to be kept out of the fight to come. They'd only get in the way after all.

 **oOo**

The only other Straw Hat aboard the Thousand Sunny was Usopp, cowering in the crow's-nest as Nami had instructed. Well, she hadn't told him to cower, but that was just a minor detail. Usopp watched as 'Greer' put a hand to the hilt of his sword. He'd heard of this 'Gold-Eye'. The guy unnerved Usopp, although he didn't really know why.

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 _ **This is a ridiculous little thing I wrote for fun. Back-story thing for a member of Greer's crew.**_

"Halo George! Get your butt out here!"

The man sat bolt upright. Did someone say his name?

"Halo!"

He jumped to his feet with a salute. Realising he was in an alleyway, he leapt sideways before repeating the salute to a brick wall. His impetuous feet carried him in the direction of angry yelling. His hand stayed up by his head, ready to salute the moment he stopped running. And when he stopped, it was only because he couldn't run through walls. He went down with a bone-jarring bump. A noise came from behind him. He scooted his legs 180 degrees and saluted the dog. The dog barked his orders: "Get up ya lazy bastard!"

The man looked up and finally saluted his commanding officer with all the dignity he could muster while sitting on the ground in his boxers with a newly broken nose. Then he passed out. He'd hit the wall quite hard on his quest.

When he finally came to, he found himself in a white bed that smelled like antiseptic in a large white building that smelled like even more antiseptic. He hadn't the foggiest idea where he was or how he'd got there. He had the idea that it had been very painful. Or embarrassing. He didn't know exactly which. But judging by the captain's expression, he'd made quite an impression.

George was discharged the next day. He mysteriously no longer had a broken nose.

His commanding officer was female. He was a helpless flirt (pervert).

His commanding officer found him irritating, and found an excuse to break his nose frequently. Therefore, he was sent to the infirmary frequently. He was always discharged hours later with a perfectly straight, not broken nose.

He was the envy of fighting men everywhere.

 _ **The End.**_

 **Please Review  
**


	6. Chapter 6

The marines were sick of waiting. The fancy-schmancy surveillance thing they'd put in that enormous shopping bag had turned out to be a dud. Within twenty-two seconds of its first transmission, it had stopped working. And after all their trouble too . . . Didn't their superiors realise how hard it was to sneak up on Roronoa Zoro? They had almost been caught twice! They'd only succeeded because he'd put the bag down and turned round for a moment.

A few of them, bored, had put on their uniform caps in an attempt to goad a Straw Hat or two into action. How these few had got into the stealth force was a mystery. But although they could feel the pirates' eyes on them, the Straw Hats didn't seem to be particularly interested (Greer had told the Straw Hat crew to watch and wait, just in case there were more marines).

For some reason, that damnable Gold-Eye was with the Straw Hats. Their intelligence told them that Eldritch Greer was not to be trifled with. After all, that particular captain had managed to escape from Vice-Admiral Garp the Fist. After that incident, there was talk of raising the young man's bounty, though Headquarters was waiting for the Rookie to do something else outrageous before giving him the satisfaction. What could be more outrageous than Gold-Eye joining forces with the notorious Straw Hat crew?

 **oOo**

A snail phone began to ring quietly.

" _Purupurupuru. Purupu-_ "

A marine picked it up mid-ring.

"Yes?"

"Two Ensigns just reported back to their ship. They had valuable information, and therefore the schedule has been moved up. Take the pirates down."

"Yes, sir."

The marine saluted the Den-Den Mushi, and wondered what kind of information any weakling from that ship could possibly give. Oh well, at least he wasn't bored anymore. He addressed his men.

"We have the go-ahead."

To say that the marines were overestimating themselves is a massive understatement.

 **oOo**

Greer smiled wider as he saw the marine salute.

"Well, Straw Hats, here they come."

The marines threw of their disguises and charged. There were a lot of them, but they would soon discover that it wasn't enough. Gold-Eye Greer didn't have a bounty for nothing and the Straw Hats were one of the toughest crews around.

Greer tilted his hat back, revealing his golden eyes, grinning as business prepared to boom.

 **oOoOoOoOo**

Usopp's knees shook with 'I-don't-want-to-be-here' disease, but his hands were steady as he took aim at the ridiculous amounts of marines that swarmed onto the Thousand Sunny. They were even lining up on shore for a chance to get aboard. As it had turned out, Greer was right. There were more marines than previously thought.

 **oOo**

A strange purple mist began to coat the ship, originating from Greer. Zoro was wary of it, though it seemed harmless enough. Oddly, while it should have obscured his vision, he could still see everything around him with perfect clarity, albeit with a purple tinge. He clamped Wado Ichimonji tight in his teeth as marines came stumbling towards him as if they were half-blind.

Nami was waiting, waiting as a great black cloud built up above her head, ignoring the strange lavender mist.

Robin came back on deck. Her eyes locked on Greer's unholy grin, and she braced herself for chaos.

Like a waterfall, the mist fell off the ship and suddenly sped towards the shore, enveloping everyone and everything in sight.

Zoro and the other Straw Hats prepared to strike the nearest fumbling marines.

 **oOo**

The marines didn't have any idea why, but suddenly they found it really hard to see, their vision obscured by purple mist.

 **oOo**

Greer pulled out his gold engraved gun with one hand and drew his sword with the other. Light happened to glint off of both, catching the marines' attention. He pointed his gun at the nearest.

"Swap-Swap."

And all hell broke loose.

 **oOoOoOoOo**

Robin watched as the golden gun fired into the mist, scattering the marines as Greer vanished, a dazed lieutenant taking his place.

The marines suddenly found a whirling hell-cat in their midst where one of their lieutenants had stood. A sword flickered in and out of existence, purple hilt flashing by as the blade slashed at marines as if it had a mind of its own. The pistol fired indiscriminately, bullets hitting officer and grunt alike. They were being decimated by an enemy that was both nowhere and everywhere at once.

Zoro sliced at yet another marine (where did they all come from?) only to halt his blade as his intended target vanished, replaced by a darkly smiling Greer. Zoro watched as Greer swung his sword through the air – it disappeared – and then the sword was an axe. Greer released the axe - not caring where it went - his sword reappearing in his hand with blood on its blade. Then Greer vanished, replaced by a startled lieutenant.

"Again?"

That was all the marine had time to say before Zoro knocked him down.

 **oOo**

Greer was knocking down marines as if they were bowling pins. Doing this assured the young man that that crazy old ex-admiral had been a one-time thing, providing that Greer kept clear of similar opponents. The average marine, as it was turning out, wasn't much compared to Eldritch Greer. He'd get stronger, faster, to avoid a repeat of the incident, but for his current circumstances it seemed that he was more than good enough.

He slammed his sword hilt into a marine's temple, swapped himself with a second, and slashed at the chest of a third.

 **oOo**

"Clutch!"

And yet another batch of marines was brought down. Robin was beginning to find this tiresome. Marines were so unimaginative. Why couldn't they find some other crew to bother? Before her eyes, one of her newest victims vanished, momentarily replaced by a whirling dervish who disappeared as soon as he had come.

 **oOoOoOoOo**

" _Purupurupuru, purupurupuru._ "

Greer paused in his incessant leaping about to stare incredulously at the baby snail phone his wrist. Whoever was calling had _terrible_ timing. With a sigh, he answered the call.

 **oOo**

When you sail with a captain like Luffy, you are treated to a number of bizarre situations. Zoro knocked back a few more marines and frowned at the odd sight smack damn in the middle of the Sunny's deck.

With one hand gripping his sword, Eldritch Greer appeared to be talking to someone on his snail phone. His sword flashed around his stationary form, parrying almost any and all attacks the marines attempted to throw at him, though he had to duck occasionally to avoid decapitation.. It was a miracle he still had all his limbs, surrounded as he was by hostiles.

Zoro shook his head. what kind of an idiot answers a phone call in a middle of a fight? (even if the marines were weak, there were still a lot of 'em, and they seemed to be multiplying)

 **oOo**

"I beg your pardon?" Greer asked, slightly deafened by all the yelling marines.

"Have you got all the stuff?!" his cook yelled, "Where the hell are you anyway, some kind of bar?!"

Greer frowned. "You know perfectly well that I don't drink."

There was silence on the other end of the line. He sighed. "And yes, I have most of the list completed. I just need the Adam wood and the cola, though I cannot perceive a purpose for either item. What could you possibly use them for?" Greer ducked, keen on _keeping_ his head.

"Never you mind!" his cook answered haughtily, "Where are you now?"

Greer twisted his sword to parry a rifle butt, a dull clang sounding in his ear. He was about to answer when his cook cut him off.

"What was that?!" she said, sounding cross, "Did you get into some kind of- You better not be fighting any marine officers! You know perfectly well what happened last time!"

Greer sighed, quickly scanning nearby marines for officer insignia. He blinked when he realised that they were starting to pile up around him. A bullet whizzed by his ear, but he paid it no heed.

"At the current point in time, I am not engaged in any sort of combat with any officers. As for my position, I am aboard the Straw Hat ship, as the navigator claims that their shipwright has the items I wish to procure." He ducked to avoid a thrown knife. He gave it the briefest moment of his attention, and it vanished. A few metres away, a marine sank to the deck with a groan, knife stuck in his heart.

"Hmph." His cook muttered. The sound of a gun-shot erupted from the den-den mushi.

"What on the Line are _you_ up to?" Greer asked in surprise.

"Oh, nothing special." She replied airily. Clanging sounds began to come from the snail phone.

"Don't hurt yourself." Greer said worriedly, bringing his sword in front of him to block another blade.

"I'll be fine. Just don't get hurt, _okay_?" she said, sounding vaguely threatening. The stress on the last word was code for 'don't wreck your suit'. Seriously, that was all she was worried about.

"Yes, miss." Greer muttered, hanging up. Focusing all his attention back on the fight, he blinked out of sight.

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 **Please Review**


	7. Chapter 7

On the other side of town . . .

"Yes, miss." The snail phone said sullenly. Then there was a click as her captain hung up.

Jones sighed, jumping up to help her newest recruit. She swung her big metal spoon in an arc, clobbering several enemy pirates on the head. Honestly, if these people were Maggy's ex-crew mates, she wasn't surprised that he'd jumped ship. Jones smiled at the young swordsman in question, noting his pale, drawn expression.

"Don't worry," she said, "these guys are nothing compared to what I'm used to. We'll be fine once we get to the _Shipwreck_."

If it was possible, Maggy's face got eve paler. She didn't blame him. After all, she was _kinda_ , **sort of** , maybe forcing him to join the crew. While normally such decisions would be left to the captain, Greer had told her that if she needed a helper in the kitchen, she was free to abduct anyone she wanted.

Her captain was just awesome like that . . . he better not wreck his suit again. Appearances were important, after all.

 **oOoOoOoOoOo**

Back on the Sunny . . .

Nami let out a yell.

" _Thunderbolt Tempo!_ "

More marines were felled, with blackened faces and hair that reached for the skies, uniforms scorched. They lay in groaning heaps around the Straw Hat navigator.

"Impressive."

Nami whirled around, coming face to face with a marine captain. She growled in irritation when he spoke again.

"The name's Bruce. And you, little lady, are under arrest, eh?"

Nami's eyes widened as the captain disappeared, Greer taking his place with a smile.

"Sorry about him, milady. I'll deal with him." Greer touched his hat to her.

"Keep up the good work, milady."

Greer turned into an unconscious marine lieutenant, leaving Nami to deal with the idiots sneaking up behind her. Said idiots were rewarded for their efforts with electrocution.

 **oOo**

Chopper and Franky had been in position for a while now . . .

 **oOo**

Usopp had become scared of the rising purple mist. From his place in the crow's nest, he could see the havoc Greer was wreaking among the marines on both ship and shore. Somehow, Greer was using the mist to 'teleport' himself between these two arenas, knocking people down left right and centre.

It's safe to say Usopp found the other pirate a little frightening.

 **oOo**

Chopper and Franky were ready but they had to wait for the signal. Why couldn't Nami just send the signal? They were _bored_.

 **oOoOoOoOo**

Captain Bruce found himself facing the notorious Pirate Hunter. He reached for the cuffs on his belt-

Captain Bruce hovered in mid-air for a split second, staring into the startled eyes of a long-nosed man in the crows' nest. Then he started to fall, plummeting towards the deck-

Captain Bruce landed on the street with bent knees, but his jaw still ached from the impact.

"That Devil Fruit of yours can be very disorienting." He muttered.

Standing a few feet away was Gold-Eye Greer.

 **oOo**

Greer was grim. He'd met this guy before, and while Greer would normally have no trouble with someone of his rank, he had a particularly annoying Devil Fruit.

As if his thoughts had triggered it, a strong breeze began to blow, causing Greer's mist to begin to dissipate.

 **oOo**

After getting over his heart-attack, Usopp realised that the mist was falling. It was no longer level with the crows' nest, but half-way down the mast.

Zoro noticed that the mist was thinning, though he didn't pause in his onslaught, marines falling before him by the dozen.

Robin noticed the thinning of the mist as well. The less mist, the less clumsy the marines became. Before, they'd struggled to see her, but now they came forward with a purpose. It didn't make much difference to her, though.

Nami was waiting for the perfect moment to strike, ready to give the signal. The mist was almost non-existent from her position, but she was perfectly capable of making her own.

Chopper and Franky were starting to feel sleepy . . .

 **oOo**

Captain Bruce grinned at Greer.

"How do you like my Breeze-Breeze powers, eh? Can't use your fancy mist now, eh?"

Greer put a hand to his hat to keep it from blowing away. He glared at the marine, wishing the guy would just drop dead.

"Got nothing to say, eh? No last words, eh?"

Greer tilted his head to one side, face going blank, devoid of any expression.

"Go to hell." He said pleasantly.

Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"Going to be brat about it, eh? That's too bad."

His smile turned dangerous.

"Time to die, Gold-Eye."

Not only were his words cliché, but he was making the same mistake that Bob and Barry had made once upon a time (hence their fear of him). Underestimating Eldritch Greer wasn't a good idea.

"Once you're down, I'll deal with the traitors," Bruce said with a stony face.

His legs disappeared, replaced by wind, the same thing happening to the rest of his body as he charged at Greer.

Greer threw himself to the side, pulling his sword back out of its sheath.

 **oOo**

The mist had completely dissipated, the last of the marines dealt with by Nami's favourite move.

" _Thunderbolt Tempo!_ "

Then she ducked to avoid a flying hat.

The hat whizzed by Zoro, who simply raised an eyebrow.

Robin sprouted an arm from the mast and caught the hat, passing it to herself for closer inspection. It was Greer's hat, brown with a grey ribbon.

That was when everyone aboard the ship noticed the abnormally strong breeze and heard steel clanging on steel. They looked towards the shore.

Greer stood in the middle of a tornado, sword defending against an invisible foe, muttering things like "Clumsy oaf" under his breath. Stupid marine. Sparks flew when his blade met another, the other ineptly wielded by a man who was used to using brute strength to overcome all obstacles. Blood ran down from a small cut on Greer's cheek. He let go of his sword with one hand, reaching for his gun . . .

 **oOoOoOoOo**

Was he insane?! Usopp had to wonder. From his place atop the mast, his sharp eyes saw the tornado's blade swoop towards Greer's throat. There was no way Greer could block in time! Usopp closed his eyes shut, not really a fan of beheadings.

He heard a gun-shot.

 **oOo**

Watching from the deck, the other Straw Hats blinked as the marine rematerialized, clutching a sword in one hand and his shoulder with the other.

 **oOo**

"Damn you, Eldritch." Captain Bruce ground out.

Greer plucked at his newly tattered suit with a mournful expression.

"That's the second one this month," he said miserably, "Jones is going to kill me . . ."

Bruce snapped his head up to stare at Greer incredulously.

"You shot an officer with a Sea Stone bullet, and all you're worried about is a damned _suit_!"

Greer slowly looked up; face blank once more, pinning Bruce with his golden gaze. His eyes glinted dangerously.

"You're just like the admiral. Why should I worry about you?"

Captain Bruce shivered, unnerved by Greer's tone. But the feeling soon passed, and he narrowed his eyes at the Rookie.

"Oh?" he said, "Then I'll just deal with the traitors first. I'll come back for you then, eh?"

The bullet had gone right through, so no trace of it remained in the marine's body. He disappeared into wind once more, rushing towards the Straw Hat ship.

 **oOo**

Back on their ship, Bob and Barry were anxiously pacing the corridor, waiting for their commanding officer to bring them news.

Finally, the man emerged, face grim.

"Bob, Barry," he started, "You won't like this. Those two Chore Boys of yours have been declared traitors."

"What?!"

"It's true. Captain Bruce of the stealth force has been ordered to eliminate them both."

Bob and Barry stared at the officer in horror.

"They can't do that! Can't you do something?!"

"I'm sorry, but it's out of my hands."

"But . . . But they're just kids! What could they have done! Why-"

Their officer cut them off with a shake of his head, before he turned and retreated into his office, leaving the two Ensigns to gape at the door. After a long moment, Bob turned to Barry.

"Will you tell him, or shall I?

"We'll both go." Barry replied.

Wearily, they shuffled off to find the boys' father.

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 **Please Review. Seriously, this is a rewrite of the original, and I'd like people's opinions.**


	8. Chapter 8

**:)**

 **ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

The Straw Hats tried to stop Bruce, but he dodged them all at speed. Captain Bruce _whooshed_ by them with his wind powers, Greer hot on his heels.

It was slower going without his mist. Greer swapped himself with marine after marine in rapid succession. The damn Captain wasn't getting away that easily.

 **oOoOoOoOo**

Bob and Barry found Bill sitting in the cafeteria staring morosely into an empty cup.

"Hey, Bill." Bob said softly. His fellow Ensign didn't look up.

"Bill?" Barry said questioningly.

"How are ma boys?"

He said it so quietly that Bob and Barry almost didn't hear him. They hesitated to answer. Bill finally looked up.

"Well?" He said tiredly. Bob and Barry looked at each other. They nodded, taking deep breaths which they let out with a sigh.

Bob started, stating bluntly, "They've been declared traitors."

Barry continued, equally blunt, "Captain Bruce of the stealth force has been sent to eliminate them. The stealth force also has orders to kill Eldritch 'Gold Eye' Greer and to apprehend as many Straw Hats as possible, although we're not supposed to know that."

They stopped, waiting for Bill's reaction.

"Bit optimistic, aint they? Straw Hats are a tough crew." Bill said with a wan smile. Then his smile got a little bigger, and a little less miserable. "And that Gold Eye, he aint so bad." Seeing Bob and Barry's incredulous stares, he added "He may be a pirate, but he aint heartless. Did ya hear what he did for ma boys at Hill Base?"

Bob and Barry shook their heads, but seeing as they were both still alive, they had to concede the point that maybe, just maybe, the pirate had a heart, no matter how shrivelled it may be. After all, ever since Eldritch Greer had reared his head, there had been all kinds of odd rumours of his strange whims.

"That Rookie will take care of ma boys. Just ya wait and see."

Bob and Barry left the cafeteria, wishing they could share Bill's hope. As soon as that thought crossed their minds, they both crossed the fingers of both their hands and began to mutter over and over again: "Eldritch is a nice guy, Billy and BJ won't die." People gave the pair odd looks as they passed. It's not every day you see marines staking such faith on a pirate.

 **oOoOoOoOo**

Billy and BJ had finished their sweets, and now they were bored. They were bored kids with a sugar high. BJ wanted to go up on deck and see what was going on. Billy wanted to stay where they were (because the nice lady said so) and have running races around the room. Before they could start arguing about it, their caps were sent flying by a strong gust of wind.

Billy and BJ looked up, startled. Then they both grinned in delight at their hero. It was Captain Bruce from the stealth force! Awesome! But their smiles soon faltered . . .

 **oOo**

Greer stopped at the entrance, lavender mist gathering around his hand as he raised his gun. To succeed, it was best to take the high ground and his enemy by surprise.

 **oOo**

Why was Captain Bruce looking at them like that? Why was he pointing his sword at them? It made him look scary . . . But he was a marine! Marines weren't supposed to be scary! Marines were the good guys! At the back of their minds, a memory stirred uneasily. In the way children do, they had forgotten the incident soon after it was over.

The two Chore boys were technically too young to be marines in the first place. They knew very little of the world. They didn't understand what Bruce meant when he spoke.

"Chore Boy Billy. Chore Boy BJ. According to my orders, you have been labelled traitors, and marked for execution . . ."

No one noticed the mist filling the room, even though it was purple and very obvious.

"Sorry boys," Bruce said. He took a step towards them, raising his sword high.

Billy and BJ huddled together in fear, too scared to even think of running, of escaping into the bowels of the ship.

The three marines froze as a familiar voice echoed through the room.

 **oOo**

All this had happened within the space of ten seconds. The Straw Hats were still rushing over to where Greer was. They saw his mouth move, speaking into the mist, though they didn't hear the words. But they definitely heard the gun shot.

 **oOo**

Bruce's eyes widened when he heard the Rookie.

"I've said it before, but you're just like the admiral."

The next thing Bruce knew was a sharp pain in his neck. It was also the last thing he knew . . .

 **oOo**

The mist dissipated, swapping the Captain's body for Greer's. The Straw Hats found themselves staring at a dead, dusty marine.

There was no blood in the room. Greer had replaced any stains with dust-bunnies from some random onshore location. He knew that he looked like a mess, with a cut-up suit and blood on his cheek, but he figured that a live pirate would somehow be less upsetting than a dead marine. They were only kids . . .

 **oOo**

Billy and BJ clung to one another, still frightened, but not as much as they'd been before. Greer wasn't scary. He gave them treats. The two watched the pirate run his fingers tiredly through his short brown hair.

 **oOo**

Greer looked at them and debated whether his cook would be more, or less, upset if he brought a couple of newly ex-marines back to the ship. Jones seemed to like kids, or maybe it was just Angel she liked. Greer groaned, wishing that his cook wasn't so belligerent. Decisions like this were easier when there wasn't the possibility of being thrown overboard.

 **oOoOoOoOo**

Nami sighed. She wouldn't be giving the signal, because it had turned out there was no need. Grumbling, she motioned Usopp down from the crows' nest.

 **oOo**

Robin used her many sprouting arms to dump the marine captain's body overboard. Apart from him, most of the other marines were just unconscious. The Straw Hat crew was merciful to weaklings, even when those weaklings were marines.

Robin went belowdecks.

 **oOo**

Nami bullied Usopp and Zoro into clearing the ship of marines. Once they were working to her satisfaction, she went to fetch Franky and Chopper to help.

Chopper and Franky were fast asleep when she gave them a very rude awakening. They pouted when told the plan was no longer expedient. It wasn't fair, they thought.

 **oOo**

BJ recovered first. Seeing as Greer wasn't a threat, BJ picked up the remains of his toffee apple, intent on sucking the last of its sticky goodness from the inedible core. After a moment's hesitation, Billy followed BJ's example (they were kids- they bounced back quickly). He brought it to his lips and-

"Don't eat that!"

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 **Please Review**


	9. Chapter 9

Greer snatched the toffee apple stick out of Billy's hands, causing the boy to jump back in shock.

After a few seconds, Billy realised Greer wasn't holding a sticky apple core on a stick. Billy had no idea what it was, but it looked vaguely like a particularly lumpy blue pineapple. A pineapple covered in swirly black lines. Billy looked timidly up at the Rookie.

"What is that?" He asked.

The corner of Greer's mouth quirked up in a sort-of smile.

"A Devil Fruit." He said, " I don't really think you want to eat it."

Billy agreed. He liked swimming. He carefully crept closer to the pirate, who bent down to his level.

"What kind of Devil Fruit is it?" He asked quietly.

Greer watched the boy's face as he replied, "It's probably the Breeze-Breeze fruit." Seeing that Billy didn't react, Greer relaxed a little. Clearly, the kid had no idea what that really meant.

 **oOo**

Robin watched this little scene from the shadows. Then, as BJ noticed the Devil Fruit, she walked into the room. Both boys looked up at her with a smile.

"Hi!" They said happily.

 **oOo**

Nami paced the deck, making doubly sure that the boys had cleaned it to her satisfaction. She looked up as Robin came back up on deck, the two kids following Robin like ducklings. Trailing at the rear was Greer, holding a swirly blue pineapple on a stick. That reminded Nami of their next order of business.

"What do we do with the kids?" She asked, more or less hoping that an answer would fall from the sky.

Astonishingly, while it wasn't quite the answer she wanted, that is exactly what happened next as a man crashed down in front of her.

 **oOoOoOoOo**

The newcomer leaped to his feet with a bow.

"Mademoiselle, it is a pleasure to meet you. Si, an absolute pleasure to meet a woman as beautiful as you. And what hair! I swear it is as fiery as your heart, my dear-"

He was cut off as Greer grabbed his ear.

Greer bowed to Nami, who was blinking in surprise.

"Apologies, milady. My navigator gets a little carried away sometimes." After saying this, Greer released the man.

Now that he wasn't in her face, Nami noticed that he was wearing a blue coat over a yellow shirt. Then he was in her face again.

"Si, mademoiselle, my captain is right." he kissed Nami's hand, "Allow me to make it up to you with a-"

Greer punched him, before saying, "Has anybody seen my hat?"

On the other side of the deck, his navigator sat up, wearing the aforementioned hat on his curly hair. "Over here, captain!" he cried, waving the hat in the air. He tossed it at Greer, shifting targets.

"Ah, senorita, you are a picture of loveliness." He said to Robin, bowing deep. Robin raised her eyebrows, signature smile in place.

Greer put his hat on his head, pulling the brim forward to shade his eyes. Nami frowned slightly when he did this. Greer looked kinda cute without his hat.

Greer yelled at his navigator, "Oi! Lover-boy!"

The man paused, turning to the other pirate. "Yes, captain?"

"Introduce yourself."

The man looked surprised, before bowing for the third time in as many minutes. "Ah, forgive me ladies!" he said, waving an arm extravagantly, "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Halo George, navigator of the Gold-Eye Pirates." He stood up, turning back to Robin. "Now, where were we, senorita?"

Greer slapped himself, muttering, "He usually stops that rubbish after giving his name."

 **oOo**

Billy and BJ didn't have any idea what was going on, but at least no one was being scary. The man in the blue coat, however, was just plain weird.

 **oOo**

Greer marched over and twisted Halo's ear as hard as he could.

"Halo! Focus! Why are you here?"

Halo pouted. "What do you mean?"

Greer looked at him with a deadpan expression.

"You mean to tell me you fell out of the sky for _fun_?"

"Ah, si, my apologies. Angel dropped me off-"

" **Dropped** is right." Greer said crossly.

"-to tell you that my sister has gone missing. She has apparently gone chasing after a yellow submarine."

Greer blinked. "Say again?"

"My sister has gone chasing after a yellow submarine. Oh, captain, your suit! Jones will kill you!"

Both men shuddered at the thought of their angry cook.

"Don't remind me. Well, I suppose we'd better get back to the ship . . . but first . . ."

Greer walked over to Franky, who was inspecting his precious woodwork.

 **oOo**

5 minutes later . . .

Greer and Halo leaped from ship to shore, each carrying an ex-Chore Boy. Placing their charges down, they turned back to the Sunny as Franky began throwing shopping bags at them.

"Captain?"

"Yes?"

"Why were you sent to get all this?"

"Because Jones thinks you're a pervert."

Halo pouted, catching a small barrel. "What's this?" he asked.

"Cola."

Franky tossed the final item, a plank of his precious Adam wood. The expensive wood had been paid for with the blue Devil Fruit, which Greer didn't have any use for and happily handed over to the Straw Hat navigator. Nami was now cooing over it with beri signs for eyes. As far as she was concerned, Greer was now her best friend forever.

Greer and Halo piled their arms high with shopping as Billy and BJ looked mournfully up at the Straw Hat ship.

"Are you sure we can come visit?" they called to Robin.

"Of course," she said, "as long as you ask your captain first."

Billy and BJ turned puppy eyes on Greer. "Can we? Can we?" they begged.

"Sure, sure, if it's okay with the Straw Hats," he said distractedly.

Nami stopped drooling over the Devil Fruit long enough to say, "You can come _whenever_ you like!" She looked over at Greer with her beri sign eyes. Greer didn't notice, too busy balancing his load. He jammed a bag under his chin as Billy and BJ cheered, "They said yes! They said yes!"

Robin smiled at their antics. "So they did," she replied.

No one noticed the sly grin on Halo's face. He was looking forward to an opportunity to woo two certain women.

Greer began to walk away, calling back "See you, miladies!"

"Yeah, see you, Robin!" Billy and BJ yelled, having finally got the name.

Halo said nothing, as he was too busy fantasising.

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 **Please Review**


	10. Chapter 10

Greer and George led the former Chore Boys to their ship, the _Sailing Shipwreck_. . .

It was a monstrosity.

If you looked _really_ (and I mean _really_ ) carefully, you could see a ship the size of the Sunny buried underneath everything. Otherwise, all you saw was a huge circle of sea-junk with a couple of masts sticking out of the middle.

The sea-junk consisted of old masts with ripped sails still attached, railings and ropes, a keel or two, wooden boards that obviously used to belong to either a hull or deck. There were doors mixed in as well, empty metal porthole frames, shredded flags of unknown crews, lumps of coral, broken crates and boxes. The list could go on and on, miscellaneous items everywhere.

All of this junk was collected in a perfect circle, and none of the material stuck out of the water more than a few feet, but you got the clear impression that this was only the tip of the iceberg. The overall appearance was that many, many sunken ships had risen from their graves to create this floating platform. The 'Sailing Shipwreck' was truly an apt name.

Billy and BJ stared at their new home in horror as the two pirates began to jump gracefully from one perch to the next, clearly very experienced at doing so.

Greer paused, balancing on one leg with difficulty. When it became clear that he could not hold this position, he leaped onto a nearby door and planted both feet, turning to peer at the two boys over his load of bags.

"You coming?" he asked. The two shook their heads, exclaiming in unison.

" **We're not getting on** _ **that**_ **!** "

Greer blinked, looking slowly over his junkyard ship. "Why not?" He asked finally.

Billy and BJ looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. Greer sighed.

"Fine. I'll come back and get you when I've dropped these-"

He lost his grip on one of the many bags he was carrying, the culprit falling down through a crack.

"I didn't mean it literally." He growled, "Stay there, you two."

Muttering things like 'she'll kill me if it's lost', Greer once more began jumping towards the centre of the mess where the mast was.

 **oOo**

For a few minutes, Billy and BJ were patient. They waited quietly on the dock for Greer to return. But they were kids, and kids aren't known for their waiting skills. For lack of any other entertainment, BJ grinned and challenged "Hey Billy, I dare you to get on the ship."

Billy froze, staring at the unstable-looking sea-junk.

"Are you crazy?" he squeaked.

"No, but I'll drive you there." BJ quipped, "Come on, it's not _that_ bad."

Billy eyed the "ship".

"Then why don't _you_ do it." he said.

"'Cos I dared _you_ to do it first." "BJ retorted.

"Then I dare you to go and get that bag that the captain dropped." Billy fired back (they already thought of Greer as their captain. They adjusted fast).

It was BJ's turn to stare at the "ship". Eyeing the planks and miscellaneous things sticking up in the air, he grinned.

"I dare _you_ to come with me and help get it."

Billy had no choice but to agree.

 **oOo**

Greer walked around the mast, trying to figure out which direction the bow was in. He'd swapped himself to shore before they docked, and the _Shipwreck_ could be docked facing any direction thanks to the navigator's Devil Fruit (the only reason the cook hadn't thrown him off the ship. Yet).

Facing what he had determined to be the bow's direction, he spotted the doors leading inside. one of the doors was swinging slightly, presumably from Halo George passing through.

 **oOo**

Billy was precariously balanced over the crack, one foot on the door Greer had stood on, the other painfully stretched over to the edge of a broken plank. The ex-Chore Boy was bent almost double, holding the back of BJ's shirt . . .

"Just a little more!" BJ said. Wincing, Billy slowly bent his knees and curled over a little more.

"Almost!" BJ said . . .

 **oOo**

Having distributed his load and deposited the various bags in their respective places, Greer was about to go out and fetch his two newest crew members when his navigator grabbed his arm.

"Aren't you going to change?" George hissed.

Greer looked down at his ruined clothes. There had yet been no sign of his cook . . . if he got changed now, then she'd never need to know that he'd ruined the suit!

Nodding firmly to himself, Greer shrugged off George and went to his cabin.

 **oOo**

"What are you doing here?" Greer said in surprise. Angel, his up-until-now youngest crew member, was sitting on the floor in the middle of his cabin reading a hefty medical tome (she was studying to be a nurse).

The girl quietly shut her book to stare up at him.

 **oOoOoOoOo**

"Angel?" Greer said questioningly.

In a monotone voice, the small sky-islander replied, "You'll be in trouble when Jones gets home."

Greer sweat-dropped in fear.

"She isn't here. If I just-"

"You'll be in trouble when Jones gets home. Jones knows all."

Greer scowled. "Only because you tell her everything." He retorted. Angel blinked innocently.

The captain had a brainwave at that moment.

"Would you be willing to do a trade?" he asked, as politely as he knew how. Angel slowly cocked her head to one side to indicate interest. He bent down and started whispering in her ear.

If it meant saving himself from the cook, Greer was more than happy to sell out his navigator.

 **oOo**

Billy was stuck bent double doing the splits. It _hurt_. Dangling from his arms, holding tight to a shopping bag, BJ was trying to give him encouragement.

"Just hang in there! New captain will be back soon, so just . . .yeah, hang in there!"

Billy would have told him to shut up, but he was afraid that he'd somehow unbalance himself in the attempt.

 **oOo**

Angel left Greer's room with a smile (read: evil little grin), leaving him to change into new clothes with the assurance that his cook would never hear a word about it. For a moment, Greer felt sorry for the wrath the navigator was going to incur . . . but it was either George or Greer, and against Jones it was every man for himself.

At that moment, Greer remembered that he may have left a couple of witnesses standing on the dock . . .

Time to swear them to secrecy. Jones didn't need to know that he's fought a marine officer.

 **oOoOoOoOo**

Jones breezed onto the ship, carrying her latest addition to the crew over her shoulder. She _might_ have clobbered him over the head with her _giant_ metal spoon after they'd beat up his old crew . . . but the only witnesses were a random marine patrol, and who would believe them anyway?

She leapt lightly towards the mast, since she would be able to orient herself from there.

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 **There are six people in my family. We went on holiday in a caravan. It broke down. We got a different one. It was designed for five people. Fun.**


	11. Chapter 11

**_I'm really glad that you like it_ Tsukino _. Now I feel guilty! (this is the last chapter)_**

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After Greer and co. had gone, Nami went to hide the lumpy Devil Fruit in a safe place where her captain wouldn't find it and eat it.

Robin gathered the stuff Nami had bought with Greer's money, going to deposit it in the girls' room.

Zoro climbed up to the crows' nest to take a nap in the peace and quiet.

Franky went off to tinker with something. Chopper went to organise his medical supplies (just in case).

No one was quite sure what Usopp was doing, but they heard a quiet explosion every now and again.

Everything was as it should be aboard the Thousand Sunny.

 **oOo**

On Bob and Barry's ship . . .

Their commanding officer was making an announcement over the Den Den Mushi.

"Men, may I have your attention please. I have been asked to tell you that the assault by the stealth force was unsuccessful and cost the life of Captain Bruce, whom we all know was devoted to justice. Gold Eye escaped along with the traitors Billy and BJ, who have been stripped of their rank of Chore Boy. No Straw Hats were apprehended despite the stealth force's best efforts. According to reports from the locals, Billy and BJ were last seen boarding Gold Eye's ship, the _Sailing Shipwreck_. According to those same sources, the Gold Eye Pirates set sail over an hour ago. Thank you for your attention."

The snail clicked off. Bob and Barry looked at each other and raced to the cafeteria.

oOo

In the cafeteria . . .

Bill punched the air with a yell, just as Bob and Barry rushed in.

"I knew it!" he yelled, "I knew Smithy would do it!"

Bob and Barry suspected that they had met this 'Smithy' before by a different name, but they were happy for their friend all the same. Bill's sons were alive and safe. Well . . . as safe as they could be on board the Rookie's ship. That monstrosity was quickly becoming as recognisable as the Straw Hat ship.

Their commanding officer startled them as he suddenly said from behind them "Off the record, men, I'm glad it was Eldritch we were chasing. He'll keep them from harm, though keeping them off the bounty posters will be a different kettle of fish."

Then their officer walked away and they continued celebrating.

 **oOo**

On the _Sailing Shipwreck_ . . .

Billy and BJ were vigorously scrubbing the deck, as per the cook's instructions.

Jones (the same notorious cook you've been hearing about) didn't mind the new additions to the crew at all, having forced her own new addition on board as well. He was currently locked in the kitchen. No, Jones didn't mind the new additions. Now, she had Cabin Boys! She hugged her captain. "Thank you for doing the shopping," she said, squeezing him, "and thank you for new little brothers."

"No *cough* problem . . ." He wheezed.

Jones bore down on Halo George, who was most definitely not getting off as lightly as Greer.

Billy and BJ happily scrubbed the decks. According to their new 'big sister', their duties aboard the ship would be much the same as their marine duties had been, only slightly more dangerous seeing as they were probably now wanted. But they didn't mind. To them, it was an adventure!

The sailing shipwreck of a ship sailed on, pursuing yellow submarines and sadistic doctors. From the kitchen, loud banging and shouting could be heard.

 **oOo**

Luffy and Brook pelted down the street and leaped aboard the Sunny.

"Somebody save us!" they yelled in unison.

Hot on their heels and loaded with groceries, Sanji shouted, "You can't treat a lady like that!"

How this situation came to be is . . . a story better not told.

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 _ **The End. Thanks for reading!=)**_


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